Dear Daylight,

I hate you.  I know, I know.  It's harsh.  But I just don't understand why you're such a big deal.  I'm not sure why people swoon over you, and can't wait to open their eyes to see you.  And then when you leave they literally stop and watch you leave...something about how amazing you look walking out the door.  Whatever. What's so amazing about that?

And what about today.  It's not even happy outside...it's grey and gloomy, and we all have to be subjected to your PMS.  I don't understand who decided that Daytime was the time for everybody to be awake.  It's probably God, so I can't argue much with him.  But with You..that's a different story. 

If it were up to me Missy., I wouldn't see you much at all.  If I need a tan I'll go to the tanning salon.  If I need a light, I'll flip a switch.  Right now, I need sleep,and you don't give a flip.  You just go on, doing your thing, making me work and function and be responsible.

It's all your fault.  But know this--when the children move out--in 13 years--we will say adios.  You won't see much of me...I will sleep through your performances, and stay awake all night.

But til then I guess I must learn to co-habitate with you, for the world dictates how I function.  But just for the record, I think you're a Big Fat Loser!

VERY Sincerely,
Tiffany Crawford

So Don't "shhh-ush" Them!

One of the things Zac hates more than anything in the world is being Shhh-ushed.  He talks a lot, he talks loud, and sometimes he talks slow!  And he interrupts....and he's FIVE!  So it's no surprise to hear him being Shhh-ushed by his older siblings at least two or three times a day.  Sometimes he responds with a VERY loud, "I'm just trying to talk to you!" and sometimes he's so fed up he cries and stomps upstairs while screaming, "I HATE IT WHEN EVERY-BUDY- SHHH-USHES ME!" To which I have to give the "He's-Five-Years-Old-and-You-Were-Too-So-Be-Patient-and-Listen-To-Your-Brother-and-Stop-Shhhusing-Him" Lecture. 

Last night I so wanted to Shhh-ush him myself.  I just wanted to shower and go to bed when I hear him chattering in the bedroom...As I tiptoed toward the door I heard him praying...and he was praying for his daddy, who was recently deployed.  He was holding back his weeping--not crying--weeping--and I could see his lip tucked under, about to hit the floor. 

"Jesus.  I miss my daddy." Is all he said before noticing me, and then the wailing began.

I grabbed him, choked back my own tears, and pulled him close.  His pain seeped out of his words...

"Mama, I feel like my heart is breaking out of my chest.  It really hurts." 

He wept, I held him, and then I prayed for him, and asked him to finish his prayer to Jesus. 

From Zacs Mouth to Gods Ears : "Jesus. Take away my darkness in my heart, I hurt so much cuz I miss my daddy really much.  I'm so scared that he's gonna die and I really want him alive.  I want my daddy back. And my family back.  I miss my daddy really much.  He's my friend.  I love him and everybody.  And I love you too Jesus. Amen. "

Everything in me wanted to lie to him about our circumstances, and change the subject.  I wanted to talk about happy things, like Christmas...I even tried.  I said, "Zac Christmas is coming, aren't you excited to see your cousins..."  To which he replied in tears, "No, cuz I don't get to see my daddy."

I tried singing songs with him...it was going well, he cried and sang Jesus Loves Me with me...Then I went on to sing "Be Careful What You See Little Eyes" which sent him into another episode of weeping. I asked what made him cry, he says, "When I talk to daddy I tell him to be careful out there! And he says You too, Pop!" 

Then Jesus spoke to me.  He said, "Stop Shhhh-ushing Him!" OUCH!  I was shhhh-ushing my grieving child...

So I stopped.  I just laid there, with my grieving five year old in my arms and let him weep. 

Do you shhh-ush kids?? Do they make you feel uncomfortable?  Do you want to fix them?  Is their pain less real than yours?

Stop shhh-ushing kids.  God desires to use their sorrows for his Joy.  Get out of his way!

Let's Play War!

I watched my boys play last night.  Dressed up in my husband's field, camo hats, "fake" dogtags, camo shirts and camo pants, they ran around the house "shooting" guns at each other. 

Some moms would be absolutely and insanely freaking out.  Boys playing with guns?!  In this world?!  Absolutely. N-O-T. 

But not me.  Nope!  I just watched them run and play, yelling military orders at each other.  I knew they were having fun, but more importantly, I knew they needed it.

A few weeks ago, my family learned my husband was deploying to Afghanistan.  To my four year old, this means daddy has to work for the army for a long time and he won't be there when I start kinder.  To my 9 year old, this means, I've lost the only man in my life I can look up to. 

Playing war is the only way my boys know how to process this change in their life.  Their rooms are lined with Dollar Store army men.  My 9 year old is checking out library book after library book about war after war. They're just trying to figure it out.

In their brains, minus or with minimal abstract thinking skills, my boys have to live, breathe and absorb all they can about war to make it a reality.  I think we forget this.  We forget the needs of a child to play to learn--to put into action any new knowledge--or to process change--or to process trauma. 

Years ago, My daughter and son who are two years apart road the bus to school everyday.  Their bus driver was extremely crazy strict.  I actually had to meet with the director of transportation on occasion to protect my children, and the children of the neighborhood.  She tended to yell ALLL THE TIME quite frequently. 

One fine day, my two precious children are playing in their little brother's pack n play.  All I hear is my Cody screaming at the top of his lungs "Turn around, sit down, and shut your mouth!"  I had no idea what was going on so I run in the living room prepared to see my daughter crying.  Instead she was hunched over in the crib giggling uncontrollably. 

"What in the world is going on?!"  I ask

"Oh mom, calm down!  We're just playing BUS DRIVER!"

This bus driver was their first exposure to someone who was less than nice to them. By playing their bus driver, they processed how to act and react to her.  They were learning!
____


In 1980, Chowchilla, California, 26 children were kidnapped off a school bus and driven to a remote location.  They were removed from their bus into a small van where they were buried alive inside the vehicle.  Praise God they were found and all survived.  But here are some of the games they played, even 4 to 5 years after the incident:

Bus Driver (probably more explicit than what my children played)
Kidnap Tag
Tie a Person to a Tree and Leave Them There. 

Any change, event, trauma, or life situation that your child can't comprehend will most likely be played out. 
Violent video games, movies and music videos are not excluded.  If you see a child acting out a "strange" or "unlikely" behavior, be willing to explore why they are playing what they are playing. 

You may be surprised at the fears your children hold...but you won't know unless you ask!

Summer is almost over....

Kids are getting antsy---some are ready to go back to school. All of them, FULL OF ENERGY! How do you curb that energy? What do you do with it?

OUTSIDE TIME---and the evening is perfect for this--you're off work, it's cooler out....kids need to jump around. Who cares if you have sandwiches for dinner? Some of the BEST memories me and my two oldest had were when I was a single mom. I'd get off work, grab them from wherever they were. We would head home, pack sandwiches, chips and juice boxes. Throw on our suits and off to the pool we went. It became a ritual, and the kids always had so much fun! I got to sit and relax and watch them play--and they got to unleash their energy!!!

LEARNING TIME -- turn off the TV! Your kids spent 6-8 hours a day reading and learning, and now they aren't using their brain as much! Give them an assignment. Have them research an animal and plan a trip to the zoo! When you come across that animal, have them give a presentation on what they've learned! Make them help at the grocery store by adding up prices and guesstimating your grocery bill. This will teach them budgeting, while letting them use their math skills. It will also give them an appreciation for how much food costs---and hopefully they won't be as wasteful. ( A girl can dream, right?)

QUIET TIME -- even tho your kids are at daycare or even with you, it's important that they rest. Give them at least a half hour to just sit and chill--in their room or a favorite chair in the house. No TV no Video Games no Music. Just chillax. My daughter could do a book...my son would read. But it's quiet time, for everyone----including MOMMY!

WATER-- I did a survey of the kids in my Wed. night group. I asked them "When was the last time you had a drink of water?" 90% of them couldn't remember!! Fill your kids with water ! It hydrates their bodies AND their brains. Lack of water can cause them to be moody, have headaches and stomach aches. It can also make them unhealthily exhausted.

Remember, this is the only summer you will have with your kids at the age they are! Make it memorable and safe while providing lots of love and encouragement for them to be the best kids that God created them to be!

And then they speak.

Every weekend rolls around with amazing regularity. I prepare curriculum, make copies, hand out rosters, greet volunteers. Wednesdays aren’t any different. Kids come and go, “Hello Ms. Tiffany!” “See you next week, Ms. Tiffany!” They mostly come with smiles, sometimes a little hesitance, but most of all, they seem like normal, everyday kids coming to church with mom or dad.

And then they speak.

They tell you of their lives with straight faces, and even smiles.

“My mom is dying of aids, and I live with my step dad because my real dad doesn’t want me. I don’t even see her anymore because she’s so sick. I’m 9.”

The toothless blonde girl smiles, “ I’m 8. My dad does drugs and my mom drinks wine. My dad has big bumps on his arms, I think it’s cancer. I think my dad is going to die and my mom is going to drink so much. But it will be okay, because I can just go to the gas station next to my house if something happens.”

“I brought my friend with me today. We are both 10. Her dad died a few months ago, so she doesn’t really talk.”

“I don’t like my sister, she’s 16 and we don’t really get along. Both of my parents work, so I spend most of my time in my room by myself.”

“I asked my mom why she and my dad divorced, and all she tells me is “It’s just better that way.” I don’t understand how it could be better because when I’m with my mom, I miss my dad, and when I’m with my dad I miss my mom.”

“Don’t ask me about my family.”

“I watched my dad die of a drug overdose. I’m 9.”

“My dad is a bad example for lots of reasons. I can’t really tell you all of them, because I haven’t seen him in 8 years.”

Their stories are filled with heart wrenching pain. These wounded souls go through life with their stories, their safety plans, their pain. Every week they come, looking for love and acceptance, searching for some sort of order to the chaos in their minds.

These kids are hurting and only the Ultimate Physician can be the salve to their souls. So before you look at that child as ordinary, know that each of them has an extraordinary story behind their smile. A story where the ending could be written by Jesus himself, if only you are willing to hold the pen.